How are you doing? I bet it’s rough. You probably never sleep. I don’t know how you do it. Are you surviving?
As a new twin mom, quickly I’m learning that almost everyone feels the urge to comment about you or your twins (even strangers) when they see you walking down the street, in line at a grocery store, or on social media. If you’ve asked me one of the questions above in the past few months you will probably get my “copy and paste” answer of “I’m doing great! The boys are so good.” That’s not because I don’t like you or I’m annoyed and want to change the subject. It’s because the answer would truly take too long and I’m actually not really sure what it would even be…
As a Christian and an optimist by nature, I truly do believe we are doing great. God has blessed us with two wonderful, beautiful, and healthy baby boys. Big brother is even adjusting to this change and starting to love on his baby brothers. No tragic or life-changing events (besides actually having twins) has stuck our household. We have been lucky, while I see so many around the world struggle. We all go to bed each night thanking the Lord for all the amazing things he has done in our lives.
So, I start to feel ungrateful when that answer of “I’m great” is followed up by a feeling of uneasiness. Am I lying to those around me to make them feel comfortable or to make sure they see me a certain way? On one hand, I want to show them that my life isn’t perfect, because raising twins and a toddler is in NO way easy. On the other, I think I’m doing a pretty good job through the struggle.
I’m so glad I had a singleton first, while at the same time that is what makes having newborn twins so hard. No one gets my full attention, except mom guilt maybe… As I sit here and write this one twin is crying and my toddler is playing with packaging from yet another Amazon delivery…there goes the other twin (I’ll be back).
Thirty minutes, three diapers, and three stories later, I’m back and all babies are down for a nap (Hallelujah!). So, yes, all three get divided attention, which feels like, no one gets attention at all…But, yes, all three are still surviving and thriving, so there’s that. Does my toddler have more screen time than I’d like to admit? YES. Do my twins have to cry for a few minutes once in a while, whereas my first newborn got picked up as soon as I heard a peep? YES. Do I feel guilty for both of these things? YES, but I know I’m still OK. Does that make sense? No, ok, sorry just went on a rhythm there for a second, but can I still feel OK and guilty at the same time? I think so. While I’m not “momming” perfectly, I still feel pretty stoked about some things I do.
I don’t want to be a mom that only looks at the bad things I do and be ok with it. I do some pretty great things too. I’m a full-time stay-at-home mom so I’m with these little guys ON MY OWN all the time! And, I haven’t gone crazy yet, even though they keep me mostly home-bound. I’m very particular about nap/eating schedules and the toddler is on a different one than the newborns, so getting out is almost near impossible, plus who wants to go out with a two-year-old while carrying around newborn twins? A crazy person that’s who… Anyway… I have to give myself some kudos for keeping up “homeschooling” my pre-preschooler and actually not forgetting he’s even alive while changing, feeding and cooing over newborn twins. He’s really thriving in all seriousness. While I would love to have in preschool, financially, it’s just not in the cards for us right now. The twins are doing great too. I wish I could explore with them more like I could with my first, but they love looking at their mobile and little playmat toys too while I do what I need to do. They are also starting to sleep better, which is such a blessing to me, as the first few months with twins sleeping is SUCH a rarity, if you are a twin mom you know it takes FOREVER to feed, change, and get them both back to sleep. I’m still breastfeeding as much as I can. I’m not perfect and will tell you that it is NOT easy to breastfeed twins, but there is still milk there, which is more than I could do with my first son. Lastly, but not really lastly because I think it’s really important to me, my house is semi kept up with. I see so many memes and moms too that say that your house will never be clean again once you have kids, but if I didn’t keep house as a stay-at-home mom I don’t know if I could keep my job. That’s to say, my husband’s love-language is “Acts of Service” and it’s very important to our relationship that I show him I care by keeping up the house (I don’t really mind a messy house, myself). So, I make that a priority during my day (I should really be doing my chores right now). My house isn’t perfect, but it feels good to have it neat at the end of the day and love on my guy during what little one-on-one time we have. If I do go out, I also like to TRY to be presentable to the world (or at least not smelly). I also make time to workout daily, even with three under three! So it is possible, but these little things take some extra work and planning.
There are two sides to the answer, “I’m doing great.” Sometimes I’m just trying to convince myself after a day of crying, screaming, and messing up that I’m still doing a good job as a mom. Sometimes it’s a pat on my back as recognition that, dang, I’m doing something most people haven’t had to do and I’m doing a pretty good job with it. So, the next time you ask me how I’m doing, know that I probably only have about two-seconds to answer you before my kids pull me away or my toddler yanks the phone out of my hands. Maybe one day we can sit down over coffee and chat about it… maybe when our kids are around 25…