Lately I’ve been hearing “You are a ‘supermom’!” a lot. I guess having twins and a toddler and still surviving while keeping them all alive is a superpower. And while I’ll agree that I don’t do anything without the strength of God and couldn’t it do without Him, I have to ask the question, “Why can’t we, as moms, have it all?” Why does it seem so odd that I can raise my three while running a home business, keeping up with my health and fitness, loving on my husband, and still have my sanity?
We are in such an exciting and opportunistic time for mom businesses! I know, I know, you are like, “Ugh, I’m so sick of my friends trying to sell me something on Facebook.” Okay, give me a chance to change your perspective for a second.
Our society has had gone on a little bit of a rollercoaster ride when it comes to family life and the woman’s role. From frontier pioneer woman to 1950’s housewife, to “Sex and the City” era uber successful business women, and it’s my belief that it’s now coming back around to the necessity of mom staying at home. Now, before you write me off as old-fashioned or worse, I think one of the main reasons it’s going that way is because of the in-affordability of childcare in the United States. The economy has not treated us millennials all that well and personally our family has made sacrifices for this reason, and I’m sure many more families have made choices based on a poor economy.
For us, my husband chose to join the military after law school to help pay off his student loan debt (and to serve the country of course- but the loan debt helped that decision). Because of his service in the military, my degree in elementary education through Arizona State was thrown a slight curve ball. See, as a teacher, you must obtain certification through each state you work in and moving every three years doesn’t make you the most appealing of candidates. It was definitely necessary, however, especially when we didn’t have kids, for me to work, so I went from job to job as we moved. At the same time I knew I needed something that would move with me, that could be mine and help me feel empowered.
I started health and fitness coaching online in 2013 before I even knew what a MLM was and no one was trying to add me to random FB groups asking me to buy lipstick from them. Four years later, while it still bugs me to be added to groups from random strangers (not a business tactic I suggest- moms), I think we have an awesome revolution on our hands. Mom bosses are a group of women that want the best of both worlds and a lot of them are actually getting it! We aren’t willing to negotiate time with family with the need to provide for it. We are in control- control of our hours, our success, and our commitment. We don’t have to look for positions of employment in male driven offices that fail to understand our home life. We don’t even have to pay for someone else to watch our kiddos (if we don’t want to) 😉
I’m pretty sure when men sold door-to-door or supported their families through their commission selling household goods, no one rolled their eyes and told them to get a real job. A millionaire is still a millionaire whether a man or a woman, money is still as green in our hands as a man’s. Although, our biggest critiques seem to be more from other women than from men…
So next time you get an invite from someone (possibly me) asking you to join her challenge group, or buy her product, I ask you to stop for a moment (before ignoring her and never answering- which is worse than an outright “no thanks”) and think about the fact that she’s a part of this revolution. She might be paving the way for YOU even, to have it all. Your small purchase will make her day, help support her family, and maybe even make our society better by allowing her to raise her kids herself without financial strife. So, go out and support mom business!
If you are twin mom, then you KNOW what having two babies does to one woman’s body. If you aren’t, let me just tell you, it ain’t pretty. Unlike a “singleton pregnancy” (that’s twin mom slang for your normal pregnancy), I couldn’t just post a cute “bumpie”, or even go out in a cute maternity shirt without getting the craziest comments.
From (this is a REAL quote, people): “Oh hell naw, this is da saggiest belly I’ve ever seen. Why would you post this disgusting (sp) pic of yourself and think that others are impressed…YIKES, we are trying to forget we saw this…” to “Are you having triplets?” and “That looks painful.”
If it was hard for me to have the typical experience during my pregnancy, the aftermath of having twins has been even harder. While pregnant with my singleton, I got an umbilical hernia and had some “spliting” of my abs. Basically my abs separated, but did not need surgery or physical therapy and soon after closed for the most part on their own. I did get surgery for my umbilical hernia, which I immediately regretted. My belly button did not go back to an “innie” and I was just simply left with scar tissue. Now, post-twin pregnancy my abs are split more than ever before and I continue to look pregnant. Saggy, stretched skin accompany my “pouch”. And even though I have lost the pregnancy weight and only weigh a slight 106 lbs my body has changed tremendously.
Two piece bathing suits are no longer a part of my wardrobe and corsets like the Bellefit corset (see my review here) and the Upspring Baby Shrinx belly band are crucial.
Let me follow this by saying, I love my post babies body. I love that it carried all my babies to term and that they were healthy and safe. I love that I’m able to breastfeed my twins and be active with all of them. I’m not in pain, and I’m happy with what I’ve accomplished so far during my recovery. One of my complaints, however, is the lack of knowledge the scientific community seems to have regarding Diastasis Recti. I’ve actually only diagnosed myself with DR based on YouTube videos and Google Searches. My OB didn’t really look at my stomach besides my c-section scar and after having my umbilical hernia surgery my general surgeon actually asked me “Did you have an outie before?” and was not sure why my belly button didn’t magically reappear. My physical therapists (all my doctors have been men BTW) also don’t seem to have a clue about DR and if I wasn’t as researched and knew my body as well as I do, probably would have injured me even more!
So, all this being said, I guess I should give you some tips on dealing with DR as a twin mommy. I’m still not on the end of my journey, but here’s what I’ve learn so far.
1. If you are a twin mom, you probably have Diastasis Recti. It’s not always extreme and it may go away on its own.
2. Test yourself at home and/or talk to your doctor about your options (hopefully your doc has more knowledge on the subject than mine- still love you doc!) Here’s a YouTube vid on how to test for DR- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiqfFM3kNuk
3. You can still exercise with DR, in fact, there are exercises that will help close the gap. Work with a pelvic floor physical therapist or even look up the exercises online. Personally, I have been still using my Beachbody workout videos, however, I’ve been modifying them to fit my diagnosis.
4. Mentally, you will need to be prepared to struggle. I struggle with the fact that I don’t look the same as I did, even after having my singleton. I struggle with not being as strong as I once was. The exercises that once seemed so easy aren’t as much once you have no abdominal muscles to help you! Most of all, I struggle with my naked body 🙁 I’m no longer pregnant, but my belly doesn’t know that! Luckily my hubby is supportive and loving, but let’s just say I’m glad I’m not a “professional dancer” or anything right now 😉
5. If all else fails, look forward to a tummy tuck in your future. That sounds bad, until you’ve had twins and know the feeling! Start saving up now 😉
I’m not a doctor, but as a twin mom, I feel your pain! I hope this helps and you know you are NOT alone! Much love mommas!
I imagine being a stay-at-home mom looked a lot differently in the 1950’s. Did they even call it being a “stay-at-home” mom then, or just being a mom?
Most of us can pull up a mental imagine of a 1950’s mom at home with her vacuum, apron, and high heels. “Perfect” in many ways, but as we know now today, way too subservient to be happy, “suffering” in silence as secondary citizens.
Now, pull up a mental image of “mommin'” in present day. For some reason, what pulls up for me is an image of a mom on the floor, coffee in one hand, kids climbing all over her, hair messy, and sweatpants/leggings on with a look of exhaustion on her face. I’m sure many of us can relate to this image. My question is, will this image too one day be looked back on as a skewed social construct?
How are you doing? I bet it’s rough. You probably never sleep. I don’t know how you do it. Are you surviving?
As a new twin mom, quickly I’m learning that almost everyone feels the urge to comment about you or your twins (even strangers) when they see you walking down the street, in line at a grocery store, or on social media. If you’ve asked me one of the questions above in the past few months you will probably get my “copy and paste” answer of “I’m doing great! The boys are so good.” That’s not because I don’t like you or I’m annoyed and want to change the subject. It’s because the answer would truly take too long and I’m actually not really sure what it would even be…